I was going to title this post,
"dealing with the loss of a parent, but the word "dealing"
almost suggests that it is like a checklist: lost a parent "check",
dealt with it "check". As much as I wish it was that easy, it is not.
So this post is titled "coping with the loss of a parent, because it's
more of an ongoing thing".
When I lost my dad in a car accident
when I was six years old, I was made the promise by so many people that it gets
easier and although I know they hearts intentions were on the right place, it
was a promise that was untrue. Because it does not get easier, in fact in
some parts of my life it gets harder. Losing a loved one is like loosing an arm
or a leg, in fact loosing a parent is like loosing two legs, because just like
a person who has lost their limbs learn to live and function that way, you
learn to live and function without that person in your life. You learn to cope,
but it doesn't necessarily become easier, because just like a person who has
lost their limbs is reminded everyday that they are different from the average
person in some way and they are missing something, you are also reminded
everyday that a vital part of your life is missing.
What I didn't want to hear, what I
needed to come to terms with and what you need to come to terms with if you're
watching this and have lost a loved one and please don't hate me for saying
this, is that no matter how much you cry, how much you loath in self pity, how
much you say it's not fair or how many 'what ifs' you come up with in your
head, It's not going to bring that person back, it is not going to change the
situation, at the end of the end of the hours, days, weeks that I spent crying
and stating his unfair it all way, my dad was and is still dead.
So after that, it was kinda up to me.
My English teacher said in our lesson once, "why let the hand of the dead
control the living". Well in this context it is the idea that it's okay to
move on, at first I felt so awful about moving on, I hated anyone doing
anything that my dad would have done because I didn't want it to be like he was
being replaced. But at the end of the day he's not coming back to do those
things, so I could either push everyone away and be lonely and depressed. Or I
could use the circumstances that life has thrown at me as the driving factor as
to why I want to succeed and that's what I've chosen to do. I want to make my
dad proud and I'm not going to do that if I'm sat inside all day crying.
My family and friends are also
incredibly, I love them so much! Especially my mum, who is the most incredible
woman I've met.
Most importantly, how I
cope with the loss of my dad is my faith, we live in a world were the majority
believe that we have no purpose and are very nihilistic, but I don't believe
that, you might disagree but, each to their own, I don't like to argue about
it, I just think when we all die, we'll see who'll be saying "I hate to
say I told you so, but I told you so". I believe in Christianity in the
same way that I believe the sun has risen, not because I see it, but because by
it, I see everything else.
Finally, if you are reading
this now and you have lost a loved one, please accept my deep condolences, it
is the worst feeling in the world and it is something that I would never wish
upon anyone, not even my worst enemy.
xxx
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